Our culture has so twisted sex and what it means to be a man that many people have lost sight of what healthy sexuality looks like. The following information is taken from a message by Benji Nolot, founder of Exodus Cry [1].

I want to start by saying that there is nothing wrong with sexual desire; it is a gift from God. And there is nothing wrong with finding a person attractive, or being attractive…. But, we need to understand the difference between toxic sexuality and healthy sexuality and how to navigate through the sexual storm that we are living in called modern day society.

Love is the desire to know someone and be known, personally and intimately, yet it is not meant to exploit one another nor to be exploited sexually. Monogamy, having one wife, is a sign that our sexual expression of love is authentic. The greatest challenge a man will face in his life is harnessing and channeling his sexuality into a healthy, lifelong, committed monogamous relationship.

Healthy, non-toxic sexuality is more than just a pleasurable physical act. It emphasizes the entire person including the spirit and the soul, not just the physical body. God has given us sex as this incredible gift of intimacy in marriage, that is actually the joining together of two lives in the most unique, mysterious, intimate, powerful, mutually gratifying, beneficial and edifying experience. That’s really what sex is. It is powerful.

Healthy sexuality says “I love you so much that I am willing to share the most intimate vulnerable parts of my being with you. I belong to you completely, permanently and exclusively.” It’s the complete surrendering and the giving of yourself to another person. It is a joining together of the entire person. It’s fueled by love and a desire for intimacy, drawing two people together. Healthy sexuality cements their commitment to one another in mutual edification and mutual affection. Having a healthy sexuality in marriage fulfills God’s original design and purpose. So this is wonderful!

In light of this, ask yourself “How much of sex is about relational joy and intimacy for me and how much is about physical desire and release?”

[1] (This full message can be heard in two parts at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yo6Nr4UidXQ and part two at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-rihlrdRB4.)